Please read... and pray.

There are so many stories out there that ask for our attention and our hearts. This one has grabbed onto mine with a fierce hold. Rebekah is a sweet little angel from Oregon that, at 3 years old, is battling inoperable face and neck cancer.

I came across her blog by 'accident' (there are no accidents where prayer is desperately needed) through a link to another link on a blog I frequent. Please go to Rebekah's page (see link below)and read about her- she will steal your heart and call you to pray for her.

Life is feeling pretty miserable for Rebekah and her family right now. Her parents are worn out and need us, their brothers and sisters, to rally around them. God, please take away Rebekah's pain. Comfort Your precious baby, and the mommy and daddy You've entrusted her to. They ache for her. I know You do too.

http://rebekahspage.blogspot.com/

...this is heaven to me

I've been drawn to music for self-expression lately. I think Matthew gets a bit annoyed when I sneak into the computer seat (in the midst of his 12 hour video editing research stints) so I can find new songs that make me sigh. I call him over to listen and he sort of looks at me with this,

"Yeah, so can I have the computer back now?" look.

Being an introvert, I have a hard time expressing outwardly how I'm feeling. God created music to fill in where words don't seem to flow... and I am so thankful to Him for doing that.

This one is a little ditty by Sarah McLaughlin called 'Elsewhere'. I hope so much that today you find that bit of heaven inside your heart where you can meet with the Lord and be refreshed.

He's waiting.

...a blackbird found it's wings

kyla and auntie tina

Kyla at 1 month old (last week)

Jakey as... Spiderman!

Jake in his Spideyroos

During our stay in Big Lake with Jennelle, my parents, and the kids, Matthew and I took Jake and Zoey on an 'Adventure Errand' day. It wasn't that the places we went were soooo exciting, but we tried to make it lots of fun for them. Matthew and Jake chased Zoey and I around Target with the shopping cart, we ate lemonade and hotdogs outside of the grocery store, and we let each of them pick out a cheapo toy to entertain them during the car ride. One of our stops was especially entertaining, though.

Zoey (reminder: she's 5) navigated us to the petstore she went on a field trip to during preschool. I was impressed at how quickly she found it- I probably couldn't have navigated myself around the block and back when I was 5! Anyways, we had to find this store to get some cleaners for an 'accident' Bertie had b/c of her lack-of-litterbox confusion.

We got in there, found the stuff and started looking at all of the cute little animals. Apparently the aquariums with their running water pumps had an effect on Jakey, because pretty soon he was holding himself and sort of prancing a bit. We were instructed to watch him closely because he still has an occasional accident, so right away I found out where their restroom was. It was the typical nasty petstore bathroom- still it was much friendlier than the bathroom in the petstore I used to work at. But there was just one thing- the toilet was at about bellybutton height for Jake. Here is the conversation that followed...

"Jake, I'm gonna have to hold you up"
"Noooo... I can do it!"
"You're going to have to have really good aim then"
He starts doing his thing and does pretty good for about the first 2 seconds. After that, it's spraying straight up in the air, all over the back of the toilet, OVER the toilet, on the wall... you get my point.
"Jake, you've got to aim better than that!"
"I'm twying, I'm twyyyyying..."
I had a really hard time hiding the fact that I was dying to burst out laughing.

Poor kid.

Thankfully, I found some cleaner in the bathroom. I cleaned up before we went out to meet Matthew and Zoey.

They had no clue what they'd just missed.

family.

Isn't she precious!?
She does a lot of this
sleeping business.
Sure looks sweet
doing it, though!
She's a week old
in this picture.

we'll all float on alright...

A moment to spare?
Hit play, sit back, and watch a little video treat... on me.

perseverance... and my toilet.

The other night I had a great talk with my mom and sister. I can't describe how good it felt to have a heart to heart talk with the two women in the world who know me best. It was hard... honesty usually is.
I feel as though I walk through a sea of perfectly painted faces each day. Each person looking like they have it all together.

"How are you doing?"
"Good! How are you?"
"Good"
(Usually a response isn't waited for, though, maybe so the smiles can fade without notice)

I haven't 'had it together' for quite some time now, and have felt very alone because of it. I'm blessed to have Matthew in my life, but I can't expect him to fulfill my every need. I really need God to fill those spaces and to rebuild me. It's easier said than done, though, to surrendur the area of my heart that I'm afraid of. The place each of us has, where we hide the lies we've listened to.

It feels good once it's done, but 'cleaning house' is a daunting project. Sort of like a toilet. It's gross, you're ashamed it's so dirty, and you know you have to clean it...tomorrow. But sooner or later someone will come along and surely notice. Hopefully they will love you enough to say something and encourage you to clean it(maybe give you a few pointers), rather than tell the world of the nastiness you've been hiding.

So Mom and Jennelle helped me do some soul searching. They gave me a lot of encouragement, understanding, and a good strong boost to change some things in my life... much needed. AND I know I'm acceptable, even if my 'toilet' gets grody from time to time.

You like my word picture? You know you do.

After the week, I was afraid to go back to work. Afraid to fail mostly. I got this boost of confidence and I really didn't want to mess it up. I admit, it didn't start out so hot. I looked at our sales report and saw that every single day I was gone, there were negative numbers. At a commision based job, that's not a happy thing. A big fat "0" would've been a more welcome friend. It's always a bit awkward getting back into the groove of things anyways after vacation, but I made it.

PLUS, good things!
A coworker of mine asked how Matthew and I are doing, now that he's been unemployed for over a week (he had to quit his job b/c of the crazy, mixed up system we are trying to manuver through). I told her it's hard having to wait patiently, but how God is taking care of us. Right after Matthew had to quit, he got a call from the Baptist church in town. Their music pastor left for another position, they'd heard how talented he is, and want him to fill in (1-2 weeks per month probably). It's funny how things work- when God closes a door, He really does open a window! This church has an amazing pastor (good friends with ours) and insists on giving us money each time he helps them out. I mentioned to this gal how this sort of thing always seems to happen when we most need it.

So later on that day, Owner boss pulls me aside, wanting to fill me in on Saturday's meeting that I missed. Apparently he used me as an example- in a good way- that I've been doing a great job at staying focused and meeting some high goals he set up for us the last couple of months. Usually, when I hear from him it's along the lines of, "Rollercoaster performances are NOT acceptable". I was definitely not prepared to hear the words that followed.

"By the way, did you get your money?"
"Money?" "You mean my paycheck?"
"No, the bonus I awarded you on Saturday"
"Bonus!?"
"Yes, for meeting those goals"

Yeeeeeeeeeeah! He gave me $116 cash! It was so nice to feel appreciated. Just the encouragement would've been enough, but the money could'nt have come at a better time. I told him that, and, along with being in a good mood, he asked how things are going with us.

Amazing.
God is so faithful.

I'm back in PLACE... and I'm all up in your FACE...

With a rhyme that I embrace...
uh, can't remember the rest. You get the idea, though, I'm sure.
So I just had the greatest week with my family, for anyone wondering where I had gone off to. Don't worry, my bloggin buddies... the seperation anxiety can subside now .


My mom and dad are out from Oregon aka 'Land of Milk and Honey' for 2 weeks at my sister's house in Big Lake. I somehow managed to arrange my days off and 1 weekend off to where I had 6 whole days off in a row!!! Yeehaw! It was slightly chaotic what with their two dogs, our dog, Jake (3), Zoey (5), Kyla (0), Mom, Dad, Jennelle, Matt (hers), Matthew (mine) and I all staying there. Matt was missing for a few days in there, when he was in Puero Rico for work, though.

We had to go through a whole re-training process with our dog, which was quite the adventure. She's litter box trained at our apartment, so we don't have to hike down 3 flights of stairs to bring her outside. Plus, we thought, "How cool to have a dog that pees in a box!" She was really confused when we stayed in Big Lake. She had a couple of accidents in the house, b/c she couldn't find her litter box and didn't know how to tell us she had to go outside. So we ended up having to go buy her a litter box and litter. Then she was fine. Funny little dog. The trip was so good for her, though. She learned she is, in fact, a DOG!

Kyla is doing really well. She is now 1 month old and cute as a button. ( Short pause to consider if buttons are, in fact, 'cute'.) She has this swirly cowlick in the middle of her forehead, these two big blue eyes, and constantly does this thing where she makes an 'o' with her mouth and sticks out her tongue. It is amazing, the purity, innocence, and dependance she has on her mommy. It's no wonder that God told us we need to have faith like a child. The same devotion Jennelle has to care for this new life, with her self sacrifice (waking up and staying awake in the middle of the night to feed her, changing nasty 'blow out' diapers, calming Kyla when she is upset), God feels the same way about us. He is just waiting for us to cry out to Him for help and love... and for us to love him back. He needs that reciprocation of love from us, just as much as we need His love.

It would be so easy for Him to say, "Hey, I already told you how to do that. How many times do I have to remind you!?!" But He doesn't. Everytime we screw up, He is there waiting, saying, "I've been waiting for you to ask for my help. I love you and I only want the best for you." We really do need to be reminded of that... every day.

More later.

"I'd like to introduce you to someone..."

Ever since I started working at the furniture store, I've had a burden for the hearts of my coworkers. Working in a 100% commission situation, it's hard to get past the thick shell each person has built carefully around themselves. "I must protect myself, and my paycheck" is a common thought, and, unfortunately creates a lot of added stress.
The burden is more than just wanting to share Christ's love by example because, to be honest, I don't think there is a huge difference at first glance. I don't swear when I'm angry, tell crude jokes, or get wasted at all of the work parties... but that's not enough. There has to be something more than standing out a little, because I don't want them to feel like I'm judging them or condemning their actions. We all do stupid things to feel like we belong.
Tonight at work, two of the guys were comparing stories and one of them elicited a, "That's terrible! You need to go to church or something!" It was meant as a joke, but the other guy responded, "I don't remember the last time I went to church." He listed off a few weddings and funerals, but the list stopped there. Going to church every Sunday certainly doesn't mean you have a relationship with Christ, but at the same time, you know where someone's heart is by how they spend their time.
I want them to know Jesus in such a real and profound way. The difference between this and sharing my faith on a mission trip? I see these people everyday... and it's a constant struggle for respect there. I'm at a complete loss for words when it comes to sharing Jesus.
I'm tired of being afraid.
I need to be real and honest with myself and with the people I spend each day with.
Yeah, I may risk sounding stupid, and maybe everything I say will fall on deaf ears... but that's not for me to determine.

heatstroke part 2... or 1?

Because I shared the summer rec heatstroke story, I feel compelled to tell another tale of heatstroke. It was the summer before the fated head-in-mitt incident. I was at the fair with my family. At mid afternoon, we'd been walking for what seemed like forever, we hadn't eaten lunch yet, and of course- it was hot. As we're on our way to the food court, I start to feel it coming on. The nausea started to get me the second I smelled the aroma of the fried foods. It seemed to surround me and I felt the need to run. I'm not quite sure where I thought I was running, but I did aim for the general direction of the bathroom. I turned around and tried to yell something to my sister. She said I opened my mouth, but words weren't coming out. Then I turned around and started into a full run. If you've ever played the dizzy bat game, you know what I felt like at that point. I was running, but it was in a sort of side-ways curvy run. Just before everything went completely black, I got a clear view of a pair of feet- attached to the legs that stopped my sideways running. Thankfully, my dad had caught up to me and caught my head just before it hit the concrete. Sweet.
When I woke up later, I was laying in the grass with all sorts of faces about 3 inches from mine.
Yeah, so much for being the cool kid in the family! My dad and stepmom forever teased me for saying I felt 'queezy' that day. I thought passing out in public would warrent a 'no teasing' pass, at least for awhile. But I suppose I shouldn't have expected as much, being stuck with the nickname Crusty my entire childhood.

I never knew having a love for bread would be such a curse. Try having 'CRUSTY!' yelled across the cafeteria in Jr. High. Got that picture in your head? Now picture it in the College cafeteria!

If anyone else has embarrassing childhood nicknames, feel free to share in this 'safe' environment. It all stays here.