the difference between you and me.

Maybe it's the schizophrenic next door neighbor seeping through our air vents (along with her cigarrette smoke and incessant cursing at nothing) , but lately I've been wondering strange things...
-What if I decided not to wake up tomorrow? I could sleep for 3-4 days and just say my alarm didn't go off.
-What if my brain decides to jerk the steering wheel just as I'm driving around this steep corner? Can my brain decide to do things without my permission?
-What if I forget to put clothes on today? Would I get disowned, fired, arrested? OR would I feel completely free and not want to wear clothes ever again?

I think it's awareness of how fragile that line is between living a normal, well-adjusted life and making a decision that will affect myself and my family for the rest of our lives.

There's a woman that is famous in Willmar for being 'crazy'. Her name is Janice and she wanders the streets everyday talking to anybody who will listen. When people won't listen, then she yells at inanimate objects like flowers, buildings, trees...
I've actually mentioned her before- she used to come visit me at Slumberland. When she bought a mattress, she wanted to walk to Slumberland (several miles) from her house just to ride in the delivery truck with her new mattress.

Janice used to be 'normal'. She was valedictorian of her class. She was married. She has children. But one day she crossed that 'crazy' boundary and was committed. They gave her electroshock therapy that changed her life forever. Now she wanders. I really wouldn't doubt it if she goes into every business in Willmar each day. When I switched jobs, she didn't know that- and she shows up there too (about 2 miles out of town). What an interesting life she leads. I wonder if deep inside her brain she is still the same Janice that she was years ago- she just can't get her body and mouth to cooperate with her brain.

By the way, last night I took allergy meds before bed and had hallucinating dreams. I 'woke up' and saw a huge spider (we're talking 6 inch diameter) dropping from the ceiling in my direction. I jumped out of bed and let out a shrill, blood-curdling scream. Matthew, still working on the computer, came running and found me laying on the floor in the hallway half-asleep, muttering about a huge spider. I think he thought I passed that crazy point, as he tore our bedroom apart looking for my imaginary spider. No more drugs before bed tonight. I'll take my chances with sinus pressure above that anyday!